But There Are Worse Things
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day 1145a: When they call her in to takeover the Rizzo role in Grease, Santana has to consider what going to Lima will mean. - TOP 15 cycle, number 5: Santana


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 54th cycle. Now cycle 55!_

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_**Favorites cycle** - It's that time again, where I gather a list of my fifteen favorite characters, relationships, friendships, etc of the moment! It's constantly evolving, and if I did it over today, as the list was selected weeks ago, it would already be different. But oh well, there'll be later opportunities ;) So then, here we go!  
**At number 5 - Santana Lopez**_

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___**This is a double shift day.** There will be one more upload today: Padra's Run, chapter 5__._

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**"But There Are Worse Things"  
Santana**

She'd just told them that she would come. She had no idea why she did it, when she should have made up some excuse and said that she couldn't make it, even if her schedule did sort of allow it. She had no business being over there, at McKinley of all places, not after what her last visit there had led to. But then some part of her had spoken ahead of her own reasoning, and she'd gone and committed to head back into Lima, to step into the role of Rizzo in McKinley's production of Grease.

As soon as she'd said it she had a strong urge to come back on her word, but all she was hearing was gratitude and a request that she get there as soon as possible, and there was no turning around.

It wasn't the musical that was giving her pause, of course. She could play that thing with her eyes closed, day or night and the role had her name written all over it. It was never about the musical, anyone could tell her that, just like they could tell that the thing that was giving her anxiety was going back and seeing her… Referring to Brittany as her ex still felt like she'd swallowed something down the wrong pipe.

She didn't know what to expect once she got there, but she knew whatever she'd find would be the effect, where she'd been the cause. If she got there and found Brittany had moved on, she knew she wouldn't like it, but did she really have any place telling her to do otherwise? They'd said if it happened, it would happen, and there would be no upset, but who was she kidding?

This thought would open on to yet more of her feeling like the biggest jerk in the world, thinking that she would break Brittany's heart and then cry foul if she found someone else to mend it. But she knew she would. She hadn't put this break up in motion because she'd stopped loving her, far from that.

Santana had been miserable since she'd returned to Kentucky. She could try and hide it all she wanted, but when she was left alone to her own thoughts, the feelings in her own heart, then the truth came out. And the truth was she regretted everything about this break, what had preceded it and on to the moment of it, beyond as well. She was never under the impression that she would be spared the hurt and it would all fall on Brittany. She would have spared them both if she could, but… but she'd gone through with it, and now here they were.

Now she was going to make her way back to Lima once again and see what the break had done to Brittany, after some time to process and move along. However she had dealt with it, Santana knew it would hurt. If Brittany was still in pain because of it, she would know it was her doing. But if she was happy… it would hurt, her, too.

She had packed a bag, figured out her travel information… The whole time she was still working on the assumption that she would back out of it at some point. But she was ready soon, leaving her room soon… on the road soon.

Was she supposed to let Brittany know that she continued to miss her, to regret what she'd done, even if she wouldn't back out, because it still felt like the thing that needed to be done? If she did the opposite and arrived there like her whole life was going perfectly, that wouldn't work either. Giving her the honest answer would put her in the crosshairs of an equal and opposite truth, that she wouldn't feel any of this hurt if she hadn't broken up with Brittany but…

She couldn't show up over there and look to mope, not to them, not to her. Santana Lopez was coming to save the day, and she would do what she did best. And if she couldn't mask a secret or two, then she had lost her touch, because at this point covering the truth up had been central to her whole time at that school.

Things seemed so much easier before, and as she stood in front of McKinley High, the second time since she'd made her way to Kentucky the first time, she really and finally realized a part of her life had ended, and she missed it more than anything. For a moment she would have gladly traded one cheerleading uniform for another if it meant that she could go back to the way things were, including her and Brittany walking down those halls, pinkie to pinkie…

She had to remember her reasons for being there, remember the good parts. She would see all of them who were still there, see the ones who had returned to assist… She hadn't seen Mercedes or Mike in weeks, and she'd even be glad to see Finn Hudson of all people… Maybe seeing them all would help her not to just stand there and stare longingly at the girl she'd let get away.

She had walked those halls enough days while bearing her misery, she could do it one more time.

THE END

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******A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
****In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
************always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!**


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